The Park Owner

"Hmm... stocks aren't looking too swell...  may need to diversify my e-portfolio a little..."

"Shh!"

"What?"

"I said please be quiet.  You're being a nuisance.  Thank you."

"Umm...  this is a public park.  I can talk if I want to.  It's not like you own it or something."

"Don't I?"

"Is that the deed to the park?!"

"Obviously.  Now, can you please honor my wishes and bring the volume down to a dull roar so I can enjoy my begonias?"

"Fine.  I won't talk any more."

"Thank you."

"Ahh...  *sigh*  yeahhh....  *sigh*  mmmm...."

"Ahhh...."

"I'm sorry- could you keep it down?"

"HOW CAN YOU HEAR THAT?!"

"I hear everything.  My ears are made up of magical elements- elements that you won't find on your human periodic table or read about in your silly science books.  I was simultaneously cursed and blessed by a witch and a wizard- in that order.  I can hear the speed of sound before it gets here and stop the speed of light by just staring at it.  Before you question my wizardry, let me assure you you're meddling with powers you can't possibly comprehend."

"Fair enough, Mr. Wizard, but what about that couple having loud sex by that old man over there?!  Doesn't THAT bother you?!"

"They're not hurting anyone.  Don't be such a prude."

"Oh, okay...  so, it's fine for them to have sex in your park, but, it's not okay for me to type quietly on my Dell Inspiron™..."

"You can have sex if you want to."

"Oh, okay...  sure...  hahaha...  and, who would I have sex with in your park?  I don't even see any girls out here...  Gimme a break..."

"Uh, no thanks..."

"Why the hell not?"

"Well, first of all- that's a guy...  and, even if I was gay, he's not really my type..."

"I think you hurt his feelings..."

"This is silly.  You know what?  You can have your peace and quiet, because I'm leaving.  I can't believe I've been arguing with a Collie..."

"Just know that if you come back, you'll need a park permit from now on..."

"How peculiar...  he left his Dell Inspiron™..."